looking back...

Looking back my old posts, there's one I mentioned about having a LDR ain't easy.

Now, I could tell it is very hard. Not only mutual understanding and trust matter, it includes all sorts of factors which can easily brake up the chain of relationship.

As I stay longer, the more issues coming in till a point I need to get a break from it. But what kind of break I can expect to have? I realized there is not a single break for a relationship, there's only a real break which is to break up. However, this is not what I want.

I love him more than anyone I'd met, I suppose. Shall see how it goes.

Sad...again.

I really dont quite know what happened to me nowadays, getting emo easily and keep looking for fights with him. Is it my problem?

I know the answer, obviously, it is.

But why?

I just want to get a chance to see him only, is that my fault too?

Yes!! My fault as being so wanted to see him till a point he got irritated and pissed off. The reason he got pissed because his intepretation from my words is that he has the time to come up but he never show up. From his point is, I'm childish, I don't know how to think as an understandable girlfriend and I shouldn't ask the same question twice as he already said NO at the first place.

I have a question. Am I too dependent or what? I hate the way he said I don't get his point. There is only one point of him which is he is very busy with his work.

I know he is super duper busy with his works, but what you expect me to do? I'm not a superwoman with no feelings and emotions, I cannot pretend as in I miss you but I could never show my emotions in front of you.

Or maybe this is the one you prefer? Keep quiet and hide all the emotions from you or else it will bring us fight like now. If this it is, fine, I will start learning to be a emotionless person.

Loneliness kills I could tell, my mind had an evil thought which something I could do to kill off my loneliness. Once it is a green light, I will be back to the old road I'd been which this is the least I would want to choose. So, don't push me too hard.

Please be reminded I am not a superwoman and I need love.

sigh...

I'm so sad...

Feel kinda disappointed that he couldn't make it, but I understand he needs to work.

Seriously, I'm not complaining, just feel kinda lonely.

-emo-